How NVIDIA Made GeForce GTX ENERGY
Today we launched GeForce GTX ENERGY.
Harnessing our GPUs to design — and simulate — the effects of a unique cocktail of caffeine, taurine, D-glucuronolactone, silphium, gentian root extract, and other not-yet-banned ingredients before rolling it out across the company made GeForce GTX energy possible.
The result: a beverage — refined using the latest deep learning techniques — that, when added to a highly palatable mix of sugar water and ascorbic acid, unleashes astonishing levels of awareness and productivity.
“With the computing power produced by our advanced Maxwell GPUs, we were able to understand how to best deliver energy to the nucleus of every cell in the human body — at once,” said NVIDIA Senior Simulation Scientist Bob Kelleher.
“We’re really excited about this new product — maybe a little too excited,” said NVIDIA Chief Energy Drink Officer Ulysses Marinez. “I haven’t slept in weeks.”
“There’s a reason why longtime NVIDIA employees like me always say we bleed green,” says NVIDIA Technology Technologist Gill Bally. “Because we literally bleed green.”
Now we’re putting it in cans, and making a special, almost completely non-addictive version of this energy drink available to everyone. Creating this product draws on everything we know about gaming, product design, and physics simulations.
Over the past few months, we’ve been slowly rolling out GeForce GTX ENERGY to our closest, most trusted partners and customers.
Select teams of professional gamers have been brought to our facilities for “training” so we could test their tolerance for GeForce GTX ENERGY, which includes 980 milligrams of caffeine and 90 grams of sugar in every 8-ounce serving.
The result: a string of championships for gamers who have been supplied with GeForce GTX ENERGY.
“GeForce GTX ENERGY has really helped us step up our game,” said Carlos Garcia, captain of the BRAWNDO professional League of Legends Team. “Plus, I can now climb walls and I’ve only blinked three times in the past four months.”
Now, we’re bringing GeForce GTX ENERGY to you. You’ll wonder how you ever gamed without it.
Oh yeah, April Fools.